Cool Ghoul Grave Concerns Can MAGOT Overcome Its Differences? Walking Dead Want Day Rights

Can MAGOT Overcome Its Differences? Walking Dead Want Day Rights

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Salem Township, Franklin County, MaineMAGOT (Mouldering Assembly of the Grave Ones in Torment), the leading advocacy group for the rights and representation of supernatural “undead” creatures, is currently embroiled in internal chaos. As public paranoia about the undead grows, so too do the disagreements within the organization. At its meeting this week in Salem, each faction vied for recognition and representation, threatening MAGOT’s goal of unity for the undead. Fractures were revealed among the following agenda items.

Non-discrimination: All groups seek equal rights, but the zombies argue that being seen as “mindless flesh-eaters” puts them at a distinct disadvantage. “Just because we crave brains doesn’t mean we don’t have them,” said zombie spokesperson Zeke Walker. “We still deserve a seat at the buffet table.”

Legal protections: Ghosts are pushing for laws that recognize their need to haunt in peace. Ghost representative Gwendolyn Whispers of the Ghost Rights and Protection Society (GRIPS) complained, “I can’t even rattle a chain without some kid dressed in a Beetlejuice outfit coming up to me and yelling, ‘BOO!’ It’s like there’s a target on my back and a Target bag under every kid’s bed.”

Acceptance and understanding: Mummies demand respect for their ancient heritage and archeological mounds, specifically the pyramids. “We’ve been around for thousands of years and still get no respect,” said mummy spokesperson Ramses Wrappings. “People act like we’re just Halloween decorations. Worst of all are those tourists trampling on our graves. Do they even know that our pyramids are sacred soil?”

Access to healthcare: Vampires insist on the right to blood banks. “Humans have happy hour and wine tastings, but we got nada,” said vampire representative Count Clotalotta. “Ever tried sampling blood before ordering a full liter? It’s impossible. At the very least hospitals should keep their coolers open twenty-four-seven. We also demand ‘day rights’! We can’t spend all our time brooding in castles. We deserve the right to walk down the street in broad daylight without fear of scorching scorn, or worse, spontaneous combustion!”

Representation: Skeletons are tired of being seen as throw-away props. “We’re more than a pirate flag,” said skeleton spokesman Bones McSkinny. “We may not look like much, but let me be clear: without us this group will not stand!”

The escalating conflict has led to increasingly absurd alliances. Ghouls and zombies are threatening to split off and form their own advocacy group, arguing that their dietary needs are misunderstood. “People always think we’re the same, but ghouls are gourmet connoisseurs compared to zombies who will chow down on anything.” said ghoul advocate Gorey Grimes. “We want farm-to-table-to-people-to-us food and we want it fast.”

As MAGOT grapples with its internal strife, they still urge the public to move beyond stereotypes. “We’re undead, not unreasonable,” said president Morticia Morbid. “We just want a world where a mummy, a vampire, and a ghost can walk into a bar without having everyone turn their backs on us and run. It’s not like we’re coming after your kids.” Winking she added, “Not yet, anyway.”

Perhaps there’s another path, a different kind of unity. In the Gospel of Luke (23:42-43), a thief on the cross beside Jesus pleads, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus’ reply offers solace and hope: “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” This simple exchange reminds us that even in the face of immense division, there is always a chance for redemption and acceptance. Like the thief on the cross, we can all find peace by reaching out and taking the hand of Jesus and walk with Him into a paradise that relational conflicts.— Calvin, Managing Editor of the Cool Ghoul Gazette 

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