Believe it or not—and not is a sure bet—this actually happened, lest you believe otherwise. In which case, it didn’t happen. Except it really did.
In a romantic interchange that would make even the most titillating tabloid writer blush, Biff Suckerberg from Dallas met an untimely end due to what experts are now calling a “kiss of death.” Biff, who was merely trying to excite his dinner date with a bit of romantic flair, ended up on the sucker-punch end of a hickey so powerful Hoover Vacuums would have made a commercial had Biff survived.
Biff’s family had expressed concerns about the age difference between him and his 24-year-old girlfriend. But Biff brushed off their worries with all the naivety of someone who still thinks *Fatal Attraction* is a Hallmark film set at a theme park.
According to eyewitness testimony of those secretly watching on the spycam planted in Biff’s apartment, Biff and his date, Yolana Vantsumovdis, got it on in a kissing sort of way. Locked in an embrace that could only be described as a wrestling match between a human and a particularly clingy octopus, Yolana, with all the enthusiasm of an infant with a new pacifier, applied a hickey with such fervor that Biff’s neck looked like it had been attacked by asteroid-sized wasps.
While attempting to catch his breath, Biff suddenly experienced convulsions, spilling a thirty-dollar lobster meal onto his freshly cleaned white disco pants. He gasped his last breath before paramedics—stuck in traffic behind a parade of malfunctioning street sweepers—arrived. A post-mortem autopsy revealed the hickey’s suction had formed a blood clot, which traveled to his brain, causing a stroke. When told of the cause of death, Yolana had no comment, though she was seen licking her lips.
In 2011, a similar incident occurred in New Zealand, where a woman survived a stroke triggered by a hickey, proving that love really does hurt.
Speaking of “Kiss of Death,” do you know the origin of this phrase? Crack the code to uncover key references to the ancient text that olds the answer.
M (2 × 13) : (2 × 24) – (49 ÷ 1)
M (2 × 7) : (2 × 22) – (45 ÷ 1)
L (11 + 11) : (2 × 11) – (48 – 1)
Hints:
1. Solve the multiplication and division to reveal the chapter.
2. The numbers after the colon represent the verses.
3. Each letter represents the first letter of the book.
Good luck!
First one is Matthew 26:48- 49
“Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.”
Matthew 26:48-49 NIV
Second one is Mark 14: 44- 45
“Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Rabbi!” and kissed him.”
Mark 14:44-45 NIV
And the last one is Luke 22: 22- 47
“The Son of Man will go as it has been decreed. But woe to that man who betrays him!” They began to question among themselves which of them it might be who would do this. A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles Lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.” Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” “Nothing,” they answered. He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. It is written: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors’; and I tell you that this must be fulfilled in me. Yes, what is written about me is reaching its fulfillment.” The disciples said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.” “That’s enough!” he replied. Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him,”
Luke 22:22-47 NIV