Believe it or not—and not is a sure bet—this actually happened, lest you believe otherwise. In which case, it didn’t happen. Except it really did.
In a romantic interchange that would make even the most titillating tabloid writer blush, Biff Suckerberg from Dallas met an untimely end due to what experts are now calling a “kiss of death.” Biff, who was merely trying to excite his dinner date with a bit of romantic flair, ended up on the sucker-punch end of a hickey so powerful Hoover Vacuums would have made a commercial had Biff survived.
Biff’s family had expressed concerns about the age difference between him and his 24-year-old girlfriend. But Biff brushed off their worries with all the naivety of someone who still thinks *Fatal Attraction* is a Hallmark film set at a theme park.
According to eyewitness testimony of those secretly watching on the spycam planted in Biff’s apartment, Biff and his date, Yolana Vantsumovdis, got it on in a kissing sort of way. Locked in an embrace that could only be described as a wrestling match between a human and a particularly clingy octopus, Yolana, with all the enthusiasm of an infant with a new pacifier, applied a hickey with such fervor that Biff’s neck looked like it had been attacked by asteroid-sized wasps.
While attempting to catch his breath, Biff suddenly experienced convulsions, spilling a thirty-dollar lobster meal onto his freshly cleaned white disco pants. He gasped his last breath before paramedics—stuck in traffic behind a parade of malfunctioning street sweepers—arrived. A post-mortem autopsy revealed the hickey’s suction had formed a blood clot, which traveled to his brain, causing a stroke. When told of the cause of death, Yolana had no comment, though she was seen licking her lips.
In 2011, a similar incident occurred in New Zealand, where a woman survived a stroke triggered by a hickey, proving that love really does hurt.
Speaking of “Kiss of Death,” do you know the origin of this phrase? Crack the code to uncover key references to the ancient text that olds the answer.
M (2 × 13) : (2 × 24) – (49 ÷ 1)
M (2 × 7) : (2 × 22) – (45 ÷ 1)
L (11 + 11) : (2 × 11) – (48 – 1)
Hints:
1. Solve the multiplication and division to reveal the chapter.
2. The numbers after the colon represent the verses.
3. Each letter represents the first letter of the book.
Good luck!
